"Virtual Visitation" What is it? - Part 1 of 3 By: Michael Gough, The father of Virtual Visitation - www.InternetVisitation.org What is ‘Virtual Visitation’? ‘Virtual Visitation’ has many names: Virtual Parent-Time, Internet Visitation, Computer Visitation and others. The common legal term is ‘Virtual Visitation’ and that is what we will refer to it as, though it may vary from state to state or individual preference. ‘Virtual Visitation’ involves using tools such as personal video conferencing, Video Call, Video Chat, Email, Instant Messaging (IM), Video Email, camera phones, video phones and other wired or wireless technologies over the Internet or other communication media. It is to supplement NOT replace in-person visits and telephone contact between a non-custodial parent and their children and the custodial parent when the children are with the non-custodial parent. It does not matter if you and your former spouse reside near one-another or one of you has relocated to use ‘Virtual Visitation’. Anyone can use it for any reason whether you live around the corner, across town, across the state or across the country. The goal is for your children to have more quality contact with the parents no matter where they may live. I will not get into a debate about ‘Virtual Visitation’ being misused by the courts to allow or justify more move-away, that is a different article, but know we DO NOT SUPPORT the use of ‘Virtual Visitation’ by the courts to justify a move-away and our legislation efforts includes wording to prevent just that. Recently on the CBS comedy “Two and a half Men”, they showed great representation of what ‘Virtual Visitation’ is between the divorced brother and his son. You can watch the short clip on my website: You may have also seen a commercial run by Marriott Courtyard showing a father rushing back to his hotel while out of town on business to have a Video Call with his wife and baby, or the AT&T commercial showing a father talking with his daughter while delayed in an airport. These are all great examples of ‘Virtual Visitation’ and how we can reach out to our children and be more available, build lasting memories and security between the children and their parents. With the availability and relatively low cost of high-speed or broadband Internet, (DSL and Cable Modem) Video Calls are now capable of great quality. You can visit our website to see some screen captures or actual Video Calls: Children, teenagers, young adults and to some extent baby boomers (those of us 40 and over) are familiar with computers and most likely use email and Instant messaging on a regular basis. What are the benefits? The benefits of ‘Virtual Visitation’ are vast. Separation anxiety is one of the biggest feelings children and non-custodial parents experience when divorce separates us. Children often feel abandoned by the non-custodial parent. The non-custodial parents and children must wrestle with the feelings of separation, depression of loosing time with their children and the emotions of divorce itself. The typical visitation schedule for non-custodial parents is every other weekend, typically one weekday afternoon and evening, ½ the summer and ½ the holiday and school breaks. Statistics are clear that children suffer when the father is not involved in their lives. Children need both paternal parents and children that have both paternal parents involved fare much better in life. ‘Virtual Visitation’! The most important part of ‘Virtual Visitation’ is what I call Personal Video Conferencing or a Video Call. Using two computers connected to the Internet with a high-speed connection like DSL or a Cable Modem, the addition of a webcam, headset and the proper software you are able to have a completely interactive video phone call where you can SEE as well as hear each other with real video that is clear crisp and audio that is as good as a telephone call. My telephone calls used to last only minutes now my video calls with my daughter often last over an hour! If I didn’t have ‘Virtual Visitation’ when my 4 year old daughters mom moved her to Wisconsin in June 2003 from Utah, I don’t know what my emotional state might have been or what kind of relationship I would have had with my daughter. ‘Virtual Visitation’ helped us both cope with the effects of divorce. ‘Virtual Visitation’ is a wonderful remedy. The benefits are many. Fathers can help relieve their separation anxiety caused by the loss of seeing our children daily and the children that feel abandoned will now feel we are there for them more often. How do you or your children react when you haven’t seen each other for almost two weeks? Or worse, for relocation cases, how is the initial meeting when you pick up your children after not seeing them for several months? Performing video calls at least weekly lets you see the subtle changes in your children and so the shock of separation can be eased for all parties involved. The Utah law allows Video Calls as often as a telephone call. I can tell you that when using ‘Virtual Visitation’ at the time my 4 year old daughter, when I visited her after a couple months separation due to her mothers’ relocation, she did not look any different than the last time I spoke and saw her during a Video Call earlier that week telling her I was coming for a visit and the excitement was obvious on both sides. Our meeting was comfortable and there was no adjustment time that is common when you don’t see your children regularly. You can read stories to your younger children, show each other pets, friends, their room, pictures, and let us not forget – their Grandparents and other family members can participate. My daughters Grandparents and Great Grandparents see my daughter more than would be possible if in-person visits were the only option. This helps to build security, lasting memories and strengthen the bond between the children and the non-custodial parents. Don’t forget the custodial parent gets to use ‘Virtual Visitation’ when the children are with the non-custodial parent for extended visits. You can help children with their homework, play games, and just plain interact and truly connect with them. By using a solution that has a “works anywhere” ability, meaning the solution is friendly to working in your home, hotel, wireless hotspot or anywhere else you may be, you are now more available than ever before. This helps reduce the children from feeling abandoned and reinforces that you are there for them even though you are no longer there every night in the same home. Divorce limits or reduces communication between children and their non-custodial parents, ‘Virtual Visitation’ enables communication and provides a far richer experience than the telephone or letters can provide. My whole family communicates more using ‘Virtual Visitation’ than was ever possible by telephone alone. Just look at how distracted we are when using a cell phone. Children are very visually oriented and being able to SEE how happy you are when you communicate with them is a far richer experience and allows all parties to focus more at the communication and have less distractions than we have using a cell or telephone. If you want to talk to parents using ‘Virtual Visitation’ regularly ask Jim Buie, an early pioneer of ‘Virtual Visitation’ whose son is now 20 and a successful ‘Virtual Visitation’ father and son relationship. His website is: If you want to talk to a non-custodial mother who uses ‘Virtual Visitation’ to communicate with her 5 year old son regularly, Contact Carrie Ellis at her website: Of course there is myself, the father that lead the crusade for the first ‘Virtual Visitation’ Law in the United States, appropriately named after my daughter “Saige’s Law”. My website can be found at: Part 2 will deal with what you need to get ‘Virtual Visitation’ as a part of your upcoming divorce or modify your existing decree. Part 3 will deal with what you need to perform ‘Virtual Visitation’. Michael Gough is the founder of InternetVisitation.org and the lead the crusade for the first ‘Virtual Visitation’ Law in the United States and lobbies for similar legislation in other states and is considered the foremost expert on ‘Virtual Visitation’. He has appeared on Dean Tong’s radio show, Jeffery Leving’s Cable television show and several other local TV news stories and newspaper articles including the Washington Post article written by none other than Jim Buie. He has also the author of the first book on the subject of ‘Virtual Visitation’. Michael may be contacted at: michael@InternetVisitation.org ‘Virtual Visitation’: What you need to know for your divorce - Part 2 of 3 Once you understand what is involved to participate in ‘Virtual Visitation’ (hardware, software, etc.), you will need to ask for it as a part of your divorce in court or hopefully you have a cooperative divorce and can just ask your former spouse to participate. Either way, you will need to know what to ask for and what will be needed on each end to participate in ‘Virtual Visitation’. If you are already divorced and would like to add ‘Virtual Visitation’ to your decree, contact your legal council or attorney and inquire if ‘Virtual Visitation’ could be considered a “significant change in circumstance” to justify asking the court to modify your divorce decree. Hopefully your former spouse will just cooperate, if not seek assistance of the courts. Be prepared to pay for both your setup and the equipment that your children will use. Remember this for the children and ‘Virtual Visitation’ IS in the best interests of your children. ‘Virtual Visitation’ is a trend that will become the norm in all divorces within the next decade or less. Just look at the video segment I mentioned in the last article showing mainstream television shows and commercials showing ‘Virtual Visitation’. The following article is an important document as it is focused to judges and shows ‘Virtual Visitation’ is now an option to consider. Judges Trends in 2003: Virtual Visitation - Is this a new option for divorcing parents? So what wording do I need in my divorce ? Wording for your decree will be required for negotiating ‘Virtual Visitation’ as a part of your divorce. Your legal counsel or attorney will help you to adjust the wording to fit your specific state and situation. Send us your final wording so we can post it on the website for others to use. The Order for ‘Virtual Visitation’ can be general or specific. Points to include in the order: 1. Which forms of ‘Virtual Visitation’ are being ordered (video conferencing, email, Video Mail, Instant Messaging, etc.)
5. Schedule, e.g., days of the week, number of times per week, and times of day for Virtual Visitation to occur Cooperative Relationship: Less detail. For a cooperative relationship, a general order can suffice, such as, "The parties will cooperate to provide Virtual Visitation by video conference for the child with each parent." High-Conflict Relationship: More detail. In high conflict relationships, a tightly crafted order, with concrete specifications for implementation, can help make video conferencing a reality for the child. If a trial is required or you have to convince a judge to award ‘Virtual ‘Visitation, send us an email and we will assist you in getting the proper information to prepare for court, including what is needed to do a courtroom demonstration. You can find many “must have” articles under our “divorce resources” page at: In any event, if ‘Virtual Visitation’ is something you want, be prepared to pay for it. Since it is roughly $1000 for both sides if you don’t have computers, it is not a substantial cost. You might be able to convince the courts that each party provide and pay for the monthly high-speed Internet costs. Why is legislation important to you and your divorce? What is occurring in legislation is important as it can be used to show the courts what the trend is nationwide or at least a trend that is starting. Since there now is a law in Utah and others in consideration, you can use this to convince the courts what you seek is not out of the ordinary. Utah was the first state in the nation to add ‘Virtual Visitation’ as an automatic option for all divorces and became Law effective May 4th, 2004. You can read the actual Bill on my website under the “legislation” page at: Wisconsin is about to introduce a Bill for ‘Virtual Visitation’ Amendments, based on what we did in Utah for consideration during the 2005 General Session, thanks to yours truly as we were the catalyst for the first Bill in Utah and I have used the same wording for the Wisconsin Bill where I now live only 30 minutes from my daughter, and yes, I still use ‘Virtual Visitation’ even though I live close to her. We are also in discussions with Illinois with the help of attorney Jeffery Leving and Maryland with the help of ‘Virtual Visitation’ advocate Jim Buie. ‘Virtual Visitation’ legislation is very important as it will do the following:
The fact that there is now a Law in Utah and other states considering similar legislation, you can use this Law and other documents to convince the courts and your former spouse that ‘Virtual Visitation’ is a good thing to begin using. Part 3 will deal with what you need to perform Virtual Visitation. Michael Gough is the founder of InternetVisitation.org and the lead the crusade for the first ‘Virtual Visitation’ Law in the United States and lobbies for similar legislation in other states and is considered the foremost expert on ‘Virtual Visitation’. He has appeared on Dean Tong’s radio show, Jeffery Leving’s Cable television show and several other local TV news stories and newspaper articles including the Washington Post article written by none other than Jim Buie. He has also the author of the first book on the subject of ‘Virtual Visitation’. Michael may be contacted at: michael@InternetVisitation.org <top "This web site is best when viewed with Internet Explorer 6 or Netscape 7 or later versions " |
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